July   2019   I know I should say something.  I know I should speak up. My heart’s pounding, but I hesitate . . .and hesitate. Sigh. The opportunity is gone. You never get that one back again.  Ever happen to you?  Or should I say ‘how many times has that happened? ‘ Good news is, God usually provides another chance. He loves us too much to give up on us.

From the journal . . . . September 2007

Oh God.  Please forgive me.  We sang the words “. . .I’ll gladly choose you now” and as we worshipped, I was strongly impressed with how You choose gladly to give Your kingdom to us.  I felt the pounding of my heart like I should speak but I wanted the worship leader to say ‘Feel free to speak out if the Lord puts something on your heart’ or something. But he didn’t.  There was one brief pause where I could have prayed out loud.  And my heart was pounding.  But I didn’t.  I’m sorry Lord.  I failed.   I accept that I failed but no excuse seems valid.  It’s about You and not me.

And I Believe God Said:

I won’t stop talking to you because of that.  I will give you another opportunity to bless me and others. * But   you must be bold.  Why did you shrink back?

Jonah 3:1-3

It was uncomfortable.  I was afraid and didn’t know if it would bless others.  Yet Lord, because of the pounding heart, I felt I should and I just didn’t.  I don’t think I was rebelling.

Lack of obedience is disobedience.       Disobedience is rebellion.

Okay Lord.  I was rebelling.  I’m sorry.  I hate the thought that I‘ll do it again. But Jesus, I want to get it right.  The last time I said what I shouldn’t and today I didn’t say what I should.  Thank you for forgiving me. 

I do forgive you and choose gladly to give you the kingdom .  I want to give it to all my flock.*  especially when they are afraid.  Diane you should have spoken up. No harm was done to my people but I want to be able to depend on you to speak my words whenever and where ever I want you to.  I am with you.

Luke 12:32