December 2019 . This was written during a time when I was having anxiety and high blood pressure issues. It has always been hard for me to accept that I have anxiety. Pretty sure it hurts my pride that things get to me. It’s very disappointing to me. Oh well. It always draws me closer to Jesus and in some ways closer to other people. That is always a good thing!!

From the journal . . . January  2014

Lord, I’m more peaceful today.  It helped to talk to others I know with high blood pressure. I talked with Maxine and Darcy. I love them.  I wonder about my thyroid, even though the dr. checked it.  God, I guess I still am in denial that it could be an emotional weakness that is causing anxiety. I’ve known Your peace in hard times so I believe You will give it again.  It’s not necessarily that I think a pill will fix it but if I need it, I need it.   Lord, I wonder if I should have taken the antivan so many years ago when the doctor prescribed it for anxiety, when I had breast cancer.  I’ve always been fearful of addictions.  I remember my friend saying “What?  Are you afraid you’re gonna become a drug addict?”  Yes, I was afraid of that very thing.  I hate the idea of any drug dependency – but I also hate that I would be judged by my ability to gut it out or not.  Lord, I need Your grace.  Help.

I then went to the word where I was reading in Isaiah. I wrote:     Isaiah 30 . Sorrow for the rebellious.  

I didn’t write it in my journal but I wondered if I was being rebellious by seeking a doctor.

And I believe God said . . .

You are not rebelling by seeking a doctor.  You proclaim me at the doctor’s.   You said to Dr. W, ‘ I prayed and I am trusting God to use you to help me.’  Look to Me. I will let you know what is not of Me for you.   I died for the doctors.  I give wisdom to them to help My people.  I heal My people.  I use My people to heal because like your students, they want to help.  Not all people will come directly to Me for healing but they will go to a doctor.  I use doctors, medicines, diet, exercise, natural means and other methods to heal My people.  I am the sovereign Lord.  I am the great physician and the healer.  Trust everything to Me.

Mark 2:17 . 1Cor 12:28 . Prov 15:22