I love how the Lord will take an unpleasant memory, then use it to teach and inspire me in the now!  I wish I could say I have no regrets as a mom but there are a few incidents when I would love to have a ‘do-over’.  I would guess that is true for most parents of adult kids.  I’m so happy with how my kids have turned out, by the grace of God.  I don’t think this incident was a make-it or break-it situation, but I regret how I handled it.

Fall  1981

My little guy was not wanting to take a nap.  He was maybe a year old.  I laid him in his crib and he did his normal ‘crying for a bit’.  I went back in, checked his diaper, hugged him, spoke reassuringly, laid him down, and left the room, hoping his twin brother wouldn’t wake up.  Still crying, he got back up. Each time I’d take a little longer to go back, in hopes that he would give it up and fall asleep. This happened maybe 6 or 7 times. Unfortunately, I got more angry and less gentle each time. I thought he was just being strong willed.   He finally cried himself asleep, probably exhausted.   Forty years later, I still remember hearing his sad little sobs. 

Oh, how I wish I could go back, take that little guy in my arms, and given him ten minutes or an hour of cuddle time. 

That incident, years ago, was partially about my time being encroached upon. The following is the same but decades later.

From the journal . . . . June 2019

First, I prayed that I wouldn’t be so selfish with my time and privacy.  Next, I talked about my busy plans for the day. . . .  “Okay Lord, the thirty minutes I set for journaling is gone.  Is there something more?  Are You speaking?”

And I Believe God Said:

Keep the ‘job-to-be-interrupted’ mindset.  You think you are talking to yourself but no – not this time. Your insights are from Me. Respond to those who reach for you.  You often reach out to others but remember baby Peter when he reached for you.  It’s not Me condemning you.  Peter is fine but use that ‘incident of regret’ as a reminder to respond to the obvious needs of others.  There is a balance to learn concerning priorities.  I will teach You because I love you.  Hold tightly to me.

Deuteronomy 11:22

Oh Lord.  How good You are!  Don’t let me forget these truths.

March 2021

There are many theories for raising kids. Parents of young children want to do what’s best for their kiddos.  I was in my late twenties when this incident occurred.  I was into consistent structure and boundaries.  This may sound dramatic, but I think I failed to hear my little son’s heart that afternoon. I believe the Lord said He wasn’t condemning me, but I think He used it to convict me. I believe that because I remember it so clearly, but I do have to remind myself that Jesus took away my shame.