This was written over 30 years ago.  I dare not say, “Insecurity is never a challenge now” but the Lord has shown me so much unconditional love that the truth of His words are deep within.  It’s solidly there but sometimes I forget!

From the journal . . . . September 1987

 Lord, I confess to the sin aspect of competition concerning spiritual matters. It’s so wrong and against You.  I know that it takes nothing away from You and me, when others have a close walk with You.  I really want that for others.  My spirit yearns for it, but there is an ugly part in my soul, the flesh part, that feels threatened.  Lord. I’m sorry.  It’s another one of those ‘hard to repent of’ sins because I don’t know how to stop. Lord God, please see my heart.

Psalm 139:23-24    Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Lord, Your Spirit has touched my heart and the good part in it hates that sin.   I want to respond differently. When a good word is spoken, I want to have nothing but positive hope for the fruit.  O blessed Lord, I confess with my mouth that You be glorified, and when encouraging words are spoken, all those hearing might be strengthened in their walk with You.  May their relationship with You be all that You desire for them!

And I Believe God Said:

Oh My daughter.  Nothing can compare with My relationship with you. It is very unique and there just isn’t a way that another believer could interfere. I’ve kept it in a safe place.  Don’t believe anything that would draw you away from Me.  I desire constant communion with you.  I want that with all My children. I like you to be in partnership with Me in establishing intimate relationships with My children.  Trust me.  It will only enhance and strengthen our relationship.  I am God.  I am not limited by time for My children. Nor limited by My love or attentions.  You can’t relate because you are limited by physical things, but you must trust and believe Me.  As you grow in Me, you will be able to understand more, but until that understanding, you must respond with simple trust in Me. I love you more than anyone has loved you. More, yes, much more, than your wildest imaginings.

Thank you, Lord.  Lord, I believe but is there a verse to help me? 

Romans 5:8  ⁸ But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

   Eph 3:19 ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

When I think of each of my children as a gift You gave me, I recognize Your love.  You put actual humans into my care! Oh Lord!  They are so special!  I want to know them better.  I want to know their thinkings and their feelings.  O Lord!  What awesome love You have given us! I believe You love us in that same way we love our children.  Of course, You already know everything about us, yet You want us to respond to You by sharing our thoughts and feelings.  Your love fills me up in such a way, that it’s not of this earth.  It’s like I’m lifted up to the heavenlies.  Amazing love!

Update: At that time, my kids were children, ages 7-15.  Now they are ages 40-49! Over 30 years and 15 grandchildren later, it’s still true!! Gifts from God!