I’m sure most parents would agree that seeing your child go through pain is the hardest aspect of parenting.  It doesn’t lessen when they are grown and out on their own.  When your child’s marriage fails, it can be doubly hard.  At this time of my life, I had 3 bonus daughters that I absolutely loved!!  They loved my sons, and they loved the Lord.  I felt so, so, blessed.  Then one day my son, who had just been installed as an associate pastor for his church, called and said I needed to pray. Elya had left him. I felt total surprise and heartbreak on so many levels. Two or three years later I wrote this entry.

From the journal . . .October 2012

I woke up at 4:00am and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I guess I had gotten enough sleep.  I was sad about Kevin and Elya.

Lord, Elya’s never responded to my e-mails.  I sent her four.  I take that to mean she is just not interested.  I kind of understand but I kind of don’t.  I just reread my last e-mail to her, and it was really good.  She should have responded with something. I think I have forgiven her but maybe not. It still hurts.  Lord, help me to forgive her.  I have no evidence that she’s sorry, that she wants or thinks she needs my forgiveness.  But I still need to do it.  Can I forgive and still be sad?  With my daughter and son-in-law it was different.  Different, because my daughter seems to be okay and my expectations of her husband weren’t that high.  My expectations of Elya and my hopes for their marriage were very high.  And my son is far from okay.*   

*Kevin felt he needed to work on his marriage and wasn’t able to give what was needed as a pastor.  The church ended up dissolving and that was an additional heartbreak. He grieved for several years. 

So Lord, I know my hope for him must be placed in You.

And I Believe God Said:

You are grieving.  It’s not unforgiveness.  You’ve lost Elya and you’ve lost part of the Kevin you’ve known. And the dream has crumbled.  Put your hope in Me.   I will restore Kevin.  I will be magnified because of and by him.  Let go of the burden of hoping for the unknown and hope solely in Me.

Psalm 42:5 Hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise him For the help of his countenance. NASB
Psalm 38:15  For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God. NASB
 

That was almost 10 years ago. Tough, tough, times but God brought him through.  My son has remarried and is now very happy. To put our hope in God is key to everything.  What’s unknown is unknown, but God is always true, always faithful.