One of my major challenges with anxiety is that I typically want to thoroughly understand it and where it comes from. Before having cancer in 1988, I wasn’t familiar with anxiety and it was a rude awakening, to say the least. Some people discover they have great strengths when they go through a life-threatening experience. For me, it was the opposite. I was greatly disappointed and humbled by my feelings of desperation.
From the journal . . . . December 1988
Lord, hide me from the enemy* or just let him know that You are my strength and “this in no ordinary woman he’s dealing with”. I belong to You. I am a child of the King!
Lord, I don’t know if this anxiety is physical, emotional, or spiritual. My head knows that You are in charge of my life. You have never let me down. You have kept me safe. Situations sometimes worsen and circumstances can be disappointing, but You have seen me through. Reality has never equaled my fears.
*2 Sam 22:18. Jude 1:9 Matt 23:9
And I Believe God Said:
I am working on you and your fears. It hurts you when I expose them. Oh child, you must trust My love for you. You still think you have earned it and have to keep earning it. That has never been the case. You are My child. So silly sometimes, but always precious to Me. I don’t give peace like the world does*, but I’m building in you an adapter so that you can receive My peace. Your natural self can’t accept peace without evidence, so you need to be changed. Trust Me. You want peace. I hear you. I am working on the eternal (to perfect you for eternity). You can’t see the progress but that’s okay. I am pleased with My progress with you. That is enough.
Phil 4:7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
John 14:27 Peace I leave you, My peace I give you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, nor fearful.
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