In 1986 my mother-in law, Laura, was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had surgery and seemed to be doing well. In 1987 it was found in her brain, so she had to have radiation therapy. The next year, she was having some problems with her eyesight. Her oncologist was concerned and so were we. Because I believe the Lord had been speaking to me, I asked Him if He had words for Laura. She was obviously upset, and I wanted comfort for her.
From the journal . . . . June 1988
Lord, please reveal yourself to Laura in a special way. She doesn’t often hear You speak. I personally believe she hears from You more than she thinks she does. Lord, so much is based on our ability to receive. I know that You speak to me continually, through many things in my life, but sometimes I am deaf. When my faith is low, I miss out, but You are the Faithful One. *
2Tim 2:13 If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. NASV
Lord, I’d like to convey Your words to Laura but I’m not sure I will get them right. Oh, Lord. Faith is hard sometimes, but I never want to be apart from You.
And I Believe God Said:
For Laura
My daughter, your faith in Me has been noted. I am pleased with you. You have more to offer than you think. Act on it and you will see My glory. You are right-on to trust Me. When you don’t see Me clearly, go on faith.*
Remember My faithfulness in times past. I am solid. I am your rock. As you grope for Me in the dark, I am not hazy, and I will not be moved. Depend on Me. I will never let you fall. Remember Laura . . . Even when you can’t see Me, I can see you. Be free to learn, knowing that I will not let you wander beyond My grasp. I know My sheep and I always see them.* I am not at all hindered by darkness. I’ve seen you in all your dark times, even before you saw Me. I was with you when you were a child. I saw every tear – even unshed ones. Nothing was hidden from Me. You couldn’t see Me but I always saw you.* I allowed everything. Your strength is limited. Mine in not and it is there for you. Lean on Me. I am solid and immoveable.
John 20:29 John 10:27 Psalm 139:1-16
From the journal the next day . . . . June 1988
Thank You, Lord. Please use those words. Yesterday was long.
(I’m assuming I got the word in the morning and gave it to her before the appointment. Maybe I read Psalm 139 and shared that with her, as well.)*
Lord, when I found Your words in Psalm 139, I thought they were appropriate, so I shared them. But no, Laura didn’t like them. She seemed to refuse them, not believing they were for her. Oh Lord, I want to learn how to do this. Did I blow it? How can I know? Lord, You know how fallible I am. You know more than I do because You see all my blunders. Thank You, Lord, that You also see my heart’s intention.
October 2021
*This entry may be confusing, and I apologize. It was a long time ago and I don’t remember if she took issue with the word I gave her or the words from Psalm 139. I just have my journal entry to go on. I believe God has given me the charge to make these words available, but the results are His business.
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