Notice the date of this entry! It was over 30 years ago. It was also exactly 2 months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My hope is that I have grown spiritually since then.  I trust this because of WHO God is!

From the journal . . . .   May 1988

Oh Lord, what are You to do with me?  I know that Your righteousness is far beyond any unrighteousness in me.  Nothing in me compares to the least of anything in You.  Whoa.  Lord, that’s truth.

And I Believe God Said: 

Yes.  You are My child.  You are coming along fine, but I can only give you a restrictive diet of spiritual truths.  Your digestion isn’t fully developed.

1 Cor 3:1-2 And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. ² I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able

I want so much more for you.  I yearn to show you more.  My daughter, I am a good father, the very wisest.  I make no mistakes. You are being brought up in the best way.  You will be what I want you to be.  The more teachable you are, the easier things will go.  You have hardness though.  Let go of your wisdom.  Mine must be yours.

1Corinthians 3:18-20

I am the Lord Most High.

Psalm 47:2 For the Lord Most High is to be feared. A great King over all the earth.

There is no mistake in me.  Imitate and practice all that you see in me. If you look at your friends, I will show you what to imitate.

1 Corinthians 11:1

Do not judge.  It isn’t your own wisdom that must search this out.  I will show you and you will learn.  Set your heart on learning.  I’ll protect you from false knowledge.  Do not judge.  Look at the fruit.  I’ll take care of the tree.

Lord, is that my job with the kids?  Am I to parent them as You parent Your children? Am I to be more concerned with the tree itself?  Grow them up in the way they should go?

Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

It’s hard to let go of my wisdom because I’m not sure what’s Yours or mine.  I want Your wisdom to be mine.  I know that my wisdom, apart from You, is not wisdom.  Lord, I’m disappointed that my digestion isn’t good.  Lord, what must be done?  You want me to learn, to observe.  Lord, I want to learn.  I trust You to be my Daddy. To grow me up.

As I look back, the Lord was preparing me for what I was to go through during the hardship of cancer.  He said He was a good father and twice He said there is no mistake in Him.  How reassuring that is when something happens that we can’t understand. He truly never makes mistakes!