This is like a disclaimer.  My journal is a place where I can be totally me.  Jesus died for me, knowing everything and loves me anyway, warts and all, as the saying goes.  In this entry I am not happy with my husband.  I disagree with a decision he seems set upon that will affect us both.  Obviously, this happens in relationships.  In my handwritten journal, I am very specific and emotional.  This venting can be pretty drawn out and of course ‘one sided’.  I prayerfully edit it before I enter it into the computer, which may or may not turn into a blog post!  

From the journal .  .  .  . May 2018

Lord, I’m frustrated.  Have mercy on me as I pour out to You.  You know my mind so there is no reason to try to hide my feelings from You.  As I vent, I know this is only my side of the argument, my own perspective. 

I conclude with . . . .

I resent it, Lord, because what he chooses to do could seriously alter his life and consequently mine.  I know I have no control over this, and I need to lay it down.  It’s hard Lord, but You always see me through.

And I Believe God Said:

You can do this.  Look to me.  Confess the frustrations just like you did.  You can’t control it.  You have the choice to fight it or let me have it. 

Phil 4:13. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
2 Chronicles 20:15. He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.

So, Lord, how do I separate helping from attempting to control?  We disagree on how he should handle this situation.  It is his decision and I think he is making a big mistake.  I guess if he refuses my advice – I need to just accept it.  Yet if things go bad because of it, I don’t want blame or guilt.  

I am the only judge and I can take away guilt.  I see your heart and I see the struggle.

You fear when you should trust and you doubt when you should hope.

Hebrews 11:1-2. Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.
Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.