This entry is interesting to me as I read it 30+ years later.  I started out feeling very insecure as a person being of use to God.  He responded to me, and I believe He used a phone call to guide me with His direction, pointing me from the negative to the positive.

From the journal .  .  .  . January 1988

I think I really need to learn how to be around people.  I‘d rather observe, but not be involved.  Lord, Lord, Lord.  What’s a girl to do?  I hate the feelings of not fitting in, rejection, competition, or comparison.  That’s why I feel so safe with You, with Mark and with the kids.  It’s no wonder I want to stay in my cocoon, God.  

Jesus – do You just want to throw up Your hands with me?  I feel a million miles away from what You must do to make me useful for Your purposes.* I know You desire me to be content to truly love others, without expecting love in return.**

*Phil 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

**Luke 6:30-36

And I Believe God Said:

I am going to use you.  Trust Me.  Whether the use is glorious or humble to your eyes, I will do it.  Would you refuse Me if it is a humble job? *  Do you desire a spotlight?  Diane, the only way I can use you for My purposes is if you submit all your parts to be My instruments. **  Surrender your life, heart, soul, spirit, and body for whatever I desire.  You may not recognize what I do, but you must trust Me to use you.  I said I will. What more do you need?  I love you, so there is nothing to fear.  You can’t change on your own.  You don’t even know what to change.  Your only option is to give it to me.

²³ I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own.
    We are not able to plan our own course.
²⁴ So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle.
    Do not correct me in anger, for I would die. Jeremiah 10:23-24.

See Also *John 13:12-17 ** Acts 9:15

O Lord.  Don’t I need a vision or something? 

Then the phone rang.

Okay.  That was Annie on the phone.  You have given me Annie to disciple, on the ways of You.  She wants to be closer to You!  That’s right up my alley!  She hasn’t asked for mothering or wife-ing advice yet, so I will try not to give it.  But I sure love You and I can share with her about You.  Help me, Lord, to remember that what’s going on with her is what I should respond to.  O God, I’m so dependent on You to do this right.  You love her too much to let me blow it.  Please use me to get her excited.  Oh God, I’m so afraid of discouraging her with any criticism.  I confess that there is a critical spirit within me.  O replace it with Your love.  Prepare me beforehand about things that may come up.  O Father, I adore You.  There is so much to learn, so much to do, but there is You.  Always!  And, of course, there is hope.