We all have or have had people in our lives who continually upset or hurt us.  Often times it’s the people we need to be in relationship with.  In this case I felt rejected by this person and I would have brain fights defending whatever I thought he had against me.  The problem with ‘brain fights’ is they are always one sided.  Your side!!  They don’t help you to love the way Jesus does.

From the journal . . . . December 1989

Lord, You are mighty. You are sovereign.  This morning my attitude was nasty again towards Bob. Your response is always to love, but I just can’t pull it off.

It surprises me to read what I believe God spoke to me so many years ago.  I don’t get the impression I was fearful, but God’s response implies I must have been.  Perhaps not in this context but in general.

And I Believe God Said:

Love speaks softly, but just as a gentle answer can dissolve wrath, so can love cast out fear.  When My great love for you is truly realized, you won’t fear.  Bob fears.  Keep extending love to him.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.
1 John 4:18. A gentle answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.

But Lord, I don’t love him anymore.  I guess my love for him was conditional.  Lord, please give me Your love for him.  Without that, I can’t make a difference.  I guess I have loved him, expecting him to love me back.  Lord, do I have a lot of loves like that?  Ones I love just to be loved in return?

You do like approval, but greater is your desire to please Me.  You want My approval.  That’s where I want you!

Lord, I don’t know how to show love to Bob outwardly. . .

When Bob’s defenses crack, be ready to embrace and love him.  Until then, don’t push.  Don’t instigate.  Don’t initiate.  Just watch.  Don’t try to make him like you.  Love him for My name’s sake.

This was personal advice for me at this time and it was right on because I needed to back off.  I don’t remember when or what happened, but our relationship clearly improved in time. 
As I look back objectively, I think my expectations of what I wanted from our relationship were unrealistic.

FYI: The brain fights were of no use whatsoever.  In fact, they probably never are unless I invite Jesus to be the referee.   When He walks into the room everything changes!!