Some people are so confident in their decisions, that I think they must never second guess themselves.  I do though, and often.  I had already started the process for enrolling in school and had filled out all the forms.  Then I thought, “Did I really ask God about this?  Is it really what He wants me to do?  Did I make all this up?”

From the journal . . . . April 1991

I was questioning my decision to go to school. . . 

Lord, should I go?  Should I start this summer?  I love kids and being with them.  I could sacrifice by working in a store or something, to help support us, but that just doesn’t seem right.  If I could teach, then maybe Mark wouldn’t have to work so hard.  He is physically getting worn out.  Teaching would help pay the bills and give Mark the freedom to try something else he might like to do.  At the same time, I’d be in contact with the hurting world – focusing on children.  The drawback is the time involved to get there.  But while I have children at home, I can’t work full time anyway.  Lord, Lord, is my thinking right?

As I re-read what I believe God said to me, I can almost hear exasperation in His tone, as if to say, “I thought we already talked about this.”

And I believe the Lord Said:

I have given you the answer.  Read back in your journals for the words I have spoken.  Believe in Me and in My ability to speak to you.  Then, follow Me.

Matt 7:24 “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of Mine, and ^[a]acts on them, will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.)

Your problem is still unbelief.  You must trust and not live in constant fear of making a mistake. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.

John 8:12 Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; the one who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.

I am telling you the truth.  Believe it.  You will find your answer in the words that I have given you . Trust in Me to reveal My will to you in your spirit.  Go for it. You are too cautious.

Wow.  That was a pretty encouraging answer and I think it applies to so many of us.  He may not speak to you in a journal or in a way that seems obvious, but when we seek Him, I believe He will lead us.  Remember that He wants to give us the desires of our heart!  I decided to look back at what He had said and I couldn’t find a specific quote, “Diane, go to college to become a teacher.” However, the implications and certainty came as clearly.  I believe it is the Holy Spirit that gives ‘the knowing’ but it takes faith to act on it!