When I journal, it is very raw at times.  I vent and complain and strive to be honest. The Lord is kind and compassionate to me normally but not so much this time!!!  I needed what my mom would say was, “a stern talking to”.

From the journal. . . . April 1991

Lord, I confess I have not loved Mark as I should.  Oh help.  As the kids are growing, I am less important in their lives.  So I start to separate a little from them. Then I tend towards me  and selfishness.  I’ve been busy and, God, I resent Mark’s needs.  Al Anon preaches a lot about detachment and separation, but I don’t need that kind of influence right now.  I believe You were speaking to my heart yesterday in the car.  I believe you were saying:

And I Believe God Said:

Mark is your husband.  It doesn’t matter that you think his needs shouldn’t have to be met by you. He needs your support, he needs your encouragement, he needs your patience, he needs your loyalty, and he needs your faithfulness.*

Prov 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?   She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,  and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

It adds up to love and devotion.

I Cor 13:4-7 ⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Make him feel special because he doesn’t.  He has been hurt by father, mother, and brothers.  You mouth the words of love but in them is resentment.  

Mat. 15:7-9. ⁷ You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote,  ⁸ ‘These people honor me with their lips,  but their hearts are far from me.

How often a day, do you think of him?  You aren’t even romantic.  You have worked hard at being a servant to Me.  You work hard at school.  You work hard at the children and even the house gets more attention than the man himself.  If you want to be obedient to me, then begin today to love Mark.  No excuses.  Don’t fear disappointment.  The enemy brings discouragement, and you pull back.  I don’t want you to do that.  Remember, if you are needy, I will be at your right hand defending you. *  For now, Mark is needy.  He needs your attention.

Psalm 109:31. For he stands beside the needy,  ready to save them from those who condemn them.

Whoa. That was rather humbling.  He said Mark didn’t feel special. I’m thinking the Lord shouldn’t have to tell me to make my husband, the most significant person in my world, feel special. I did then, I do now, and I do from time to time need priority adjustments!