I wrote this thirty years ago.  Today, I would have responded differently to this situation with more grace, I hope.  I had survived breast cancer a few years before and I was decades younger than Lena, (not her real name).   I thought the Lord was calling me to help other cancer victims but that didn’t mean He was calling her too!  Duh!

From the journal . . . . July 1992

Lord, Lena absolutely refused to help this woman who has been diagnosed with lung and bone cancer.  Lilian from Cansurmount called to ask me if I could talk to her.  I thought it would be good for Lena since she had survived lung cancer. However, she wanted no part of it.  God, she seems really self-centered.  Forgive me for judging.  She said she has enough of her own stuff to do.  Oh Lord, I don’t know what I should do concerning her.

And I Believe God Said:

Love her.  Don’t try to change her.  I teach you things through her, but you can’t teach her.  I will teach her things through you but not directly from you.  Don’t grow discouraged.  Don’t pull away from her.  You were disappointed in her and she knew that. That’s okay, but you saw how she responded when you reassured her of your love.  She needs that.  Don’t withhold it.  She bugs you.  She annoys you.  She frustrates you.  But I have given you a love for her that she needs.  And you need to have that love flowing from Me through you to her.  Remember. . . fixing her is My job.  Yours is to love her.

Matt 7:1-5. 7 “Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. ² For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. ³ Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye!
John 13:34. ³⁴ I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
1 Cor. 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. ⁵ It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, ⁶ it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ⁷ it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

As I read this today, I want to edit God’s words to come down much harder on me, but He is who He is. His words were gracious to me.   My words, concerning her, not so much. For the record, Lena was NOT a self-centered person.  I had no business to make that judgement on her.  I believe the point is, I had an opinion that was just my opinion and I wanted her to go along with it.  It’s true, I was disappointed, but because the Lord had given me His love for her, I was able to reassure her of my love and acceptance of her.  He made it very clear I was NOT to withhold it.  It was a good lesson and today I am not as quick to make those judgements on others as I was then.  Getting older does have its benefits!