When anxiety comes, I am very insecure, and I falter.  As I read back, these entries are not the easiest to read because they are written at a time of emotional distress: incomplete sentences, pauses, conflicting ideas, rabbit trails, random fears, and self-talk.   ‘Raw’ is a pretty good word to describe it.  As a writer it’s a balance for me to be transparent yet coherent!  I have two goals when I edit: my readers can understand what I am trying to relate, and they can receive the encouragement the Lord gives.  A superseding goal is always to bring Glory to God.

This was written in the midst of my hardest and final year of teaching kindergarten.   

See related posts in EncouragingMoments4You.com Anxiety Section. Anxiety to Beast Mode, May God Be Glorified in the Good Times and the Bad, Teacher Melt Down

From the journal . . . . January 2017

So, today’s troubles are sufficient for today. * I know You have equipped me* . . .  I feel like I have wasted so much time in my classroom, but I’ve been trying so hard.  Listening to You in desperation.  I don’t know why it got so out of control.  Lord, can I learn from it?

Matt 6:34  “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

2 Thess 1:11  So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of His call. May He give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.

And I Believe God Said:

Look at Me always.  That is your lesson.  You see your weakness and you feel shame.  I am strong when you are weak.  I took your shame.  You don’t own that. 

Romans 10:11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.”NASB
1 Peter 2:6 ⁶ As the Scriptures say,
“I am placing a cornerstone in Jerusalem,
chosen for great honor,
and anyone who trusts in him
    will never be disgraced.”

Lord, I feel that I lack understanding.  How can I get these children to listen to what I teach them?

Love them.  Give them learning targets but give yourself targets as well.  I will give you targets.  Remember:  firm, kind, and consistent.  I told you the coach can help you.  And I am using you to help her.  Don’t worry about doing that.  I will do it.  You be you.  Lean on Me and My understanding, not yours. 

Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Relax.  I love your students.  I am not going to sacrifice them so you will know it’s time to retire. You know it’s time to leave the classroom.   Just like you knew to stop doing Sunday school.  It’s right.  You will be faithful to finish strong.  Calmly strong.  Strongly calm.

I did finish the school year, but it didn’t really get easier.  I go on faith in Him that I finished strong.   Ha, I just wanted to finish without my students getting hurt and Praise God we did!