Walking by faith is harder for some than for others. It’s also easier at certain times of your life than other times. And it always takes practice and patience. As I read this entry that was written when I was thirty-three years younger, I see what I would call growth in some areas but not in others.

From the journal . . . . December 1989

Lord, things go wrong continually, and I’ve accepted that as fact and forever, but maybe I’m wrong.  You are, after all, stronger than satan.  You can remove every obstacle from my path and You love me.

And I Believe God Said:

I love you and of course I can.  Don’t be afraid to trust Me for specific things.  You always leave a way out in case I don’t pull through.  Don’t do that.  Trust your faith to Me.  I won’t let you down. Look at Mark 14:3

Lord, I’m scared.  What if it doesn’t apply?  What if I heard You wrong?

Would I let that happen?  Look it up and trust Me.

At a glance I could tell what the verse and passage was about.

Lord, it’s about the woman pouring expensive perfume on Your head.  It’s also the chapter that I just happen to be at in my daily reading!  I believe that for one thing, You want me to read now. 

So I did.

Mark 14:3-9. ³ Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. While He was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over His head.

⁴ Some of those at the table were indignant. “Why waste such expensive perfume?” they asked. ⁵ “It could have been sold for a year’s wages and the money given to the poor!” So they scolded her harshly.

⁶ But Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to Me? ⁷ You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have Me. ⁸ She has done what she could and has anointed My body for burial ahead of time. ⁹ I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.”

And I Believe God Said:

Time is your commodity, your expensive perfume. You pour it on Me when we read My word together. You could spend your time helping people, but I defend you for spending time with Me.  Others may not understand. They may be critical, but I will defend you.

Thank-you, Lord.  You are so faithful. 

I believe the expensive perfume is time, precious spare time, after taking care of responsibilities: husband, children, home, family, parents and prayer time.  The disciple said, “she could have sold it and given it to the poor.”  I noticed they didn’t say “pay her bills” or “take care of her responsibilities.”  Maybe because that is assumed. Again, I feel You are telling me to take care of my responsibilities first. 

Lord, I also realize that I’m not praying with or for my own kids like I should(I was praying prayer verses for them, but I sensed more was needed).  Oh God, forgive me again.  It would not take more than fifteen minutes a day to pray for or with each of them.  Oh God, help me to be diligent.

Things still often go wrong but I tend to believe God is still running things and it’s okay.  I no longer assume it will always be that way, and I hope for ‘smooth’.  I have a long way to go but I trust Him more and more as time goes on.

I’m also not as fearful of criticisms. I realize that most people aren’t looking for fault in me, as much as I am!  However, it’s good to know I have a defender when need be!! 

Ps 109:31.  For He stands beside the needy, ready to save them from those who condemn them.