From the journal . . . . July 1993

God, how often do we add more sin in an attempt to undo sin?  How stupid!  Sometimes we can gain forgiveness from those we’ve hurt and make restitution, but we can’t undo a sin by producing a “good deed.”  Self-inflicted penance won’t take sin away.  The good deed can help restore the relationship with the injured party, but there is nothing we can do to pay the debt for our sins.  We don’t have the resources, Lord.  

And I Believe God Said:

When you sin, confess your sin to Me.  Don’t wait until you consider how you can make it right because you can’t.  Only My blood can wash it away.  When there is an ink drop on cotton, and you try to clean it off, it just gets spread out and looks worse.  You need the appropriate cleaner.  I am the only remedy for sin.  You cannot make it up to Me. 

You can, however, make amends to people.

Hebrews 9:22. In fact, according to the law of Moses, nearly everything was purified with blood. For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness.
Leviticus 17: 11 ¹¹ for the life of the body is in its blood. I have given you the blood on the altar to purify you, making you right with the Lord. It is the blood, given in exchange for a life, that makes purification possible.
Hebrews 10:1-18   ⁴ For it is not possible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.

This is an amazing revelation.  I know that You are talking to me.  Please Lord, how do I apply this to my life?

At this point I want to give the backstory for this journal entry. My husband and his friend/business partner Danny had found a car that had been totaled. Danny would often be the one to find these deals and Mark would be the one to problem solve until they could make a profit on it. As it turned out, Mark ended up providing most of the work and finances to restore this vehicle.  Danny was busy doing something else.  The problem came when I fell in love with the car. We needed a car that was better on gas mileage because I was going to be driving back and forth to school, about 50 miles round trip, and this little car was perfect!  Danny was understandably disappointed because selling it to me wouldn’t be the money maker he had counted on, but they came up with a fair deal.  I felt guilty about it though because I was insistent on having it.

Continuing from the journal . . . .July 1993

Lord, I don’t want to admit that going so determinedly for my car was sin, but I wanted it. I insisted on my own way.

And I Believe God Said:

What sin was involved?

Selfishness.  Lord, forgive me please.  I wanted it then, and I admit that I don’t want to give it up.  I think we made it right with Danny, but I see that doesn’t change the fact I put my needs or wants ahead of someone else.  Lord, it seems impossible that confessing the sin is all I need to do.  Where does repentance come in?  Lord, help.  Selfishness is hard to define.  I’m sure at this very moment someone could need this Afghan blanket more than me.  Am I selfish to keep it?

Live by faith.  If I bring someone to you who really needs it, give it to them.  I will tell you.  Mark wants to give your old car away.  Did he want to give any of the trucks away? No, he wanted to sell them, which is fine.  I put ideas in your mind and in this case, his.

Hebrews 13: ¹⁶ And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God. NLT
1John 3:¹⁷ But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? NASB
Philippians 2: ¹³ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.NLT

Lord, I’m still confused about the Dodge Colt. 

You were selfish.  So was Danny.  So was Mark.

(We all wanted our own way in this venture.).

Philippians 2: ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others

God, You really have no need for a bull from my stall.  You don’t want any bull from me. 

Psalm 50: 7“O my people, listen as I speak.
    Here are my charges against you, O Israel: I am God, your God!
⁸ I have no complaint about your sacrifices or the burnt offerings you constantly offer.
⁹ But I do not need the bulls from your barns or the goats from your pens.
¹⁰ For all the animals of the forest are mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills.
¹¹ I know every bird on the mountains, and all the animals of the field are mine.
¹² If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for all the world is mine and everything in it.
¹³ Do I eat the meat of bulls? Do I drink the blood of goats?

¹⁴ Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,  and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
¹⁵ Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.”   NLT