This entry is sort of a part two to my last post, “A Time of Blah.”  I was still feeling sort of blah and wrote in my journal the morning after our mid-week worship service.

From the journal . . . . July 1994

Good Morning, Lord!  Last night was sort of strange.  I didn’t feel Your presence much, however,  I knew You were there.  Others felt it, but I was distracted.  The worship leader said to speak out what is in our hearts.  I thought, “Whoa, that would be a different type of prayer since I can’t say, ‘Oh Lord, I feel Your presence so strongly.’” And right before I prayed, a blasphemous thought came to me (no doubt from the pit) to fake it.   May it never be! 

So instead I prayed how I truly felt.  I acknowledged the truth of Your presence, but I confessed a distraction and a lack of feeling.  I was honest and that felt fine.

Lord, I wonder if I would do better in a different church where I don’t know people, and I could just worship without the distractions.

And I Believe God Said:

No. Your distraction is from within you, not from without.

Don’t you run away from involvement.  You must leave your burdens with Me.  Remember – My burden is light. 

Ps 42:5 Why are you in despair, my soul? And why are you restless within me? Wait for God, for I will again praise Him for the help of His presence, my God.
Matt 11:28-31 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I have put you in a position where it is safe to be yourself.  Not everyone at your church will accept you completely, but I have given many of your brothers and sisters a love for you.  This love that I give is deep and committed.  Your church family may get irritated or misunderstand you but many, not all but many, are committed to loving you for life.  Diane, that’s because they have a portion of My love for you.  Just as you have a portion of My love for them. For Shawn, Tanya, Rick, George, Janine, Maxine, Olive, Jeff and many more. *  You want My best for them. That’s why you hurt when they fall.  You’ve seen them love Me and you’ve seen the joy I give to them.  You want that for them and so do I.

John 13:34-35 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. ³⁵ Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
 

We have been in the same church for decades and we have gone through many relational trials with different people. Sometimes with leadership and other times with fellow church members. We have had various reasons for wanting to leave, but the feeling of unrest was always temporary, and the Lord never gave us the ‘go ahead’ to leave.  I understand that isn’t the case for everyone, and I know God is able to make His intentions for us clear if we seek Him for direction. 

James 1:5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

*I’ve changed the names of my special peeps.