If this post seems familiar, it’s because it’s a repeat from last year.  I recently came across another journal entry that I did about a month after this one from 2013.  Some of us need all the help we can get concerning anxiety issues, so I hope and pray God can use both of these to encourage you!

I want to say right off that when I wrote this I was in the uncomfortable place of extreme anxiety.  I am going to try to do a minimal amount of editing because the feelings I had were real to me.  I hated that I had such anxiety when I knew the Lord would never leave me.   It felt like a betrayal to Him and such a personal failure.  Those feelings didn’t help, but there you have it.

From the journal . . . . November 2013

Lord, I love You and cling to You.  It’s been a hard day.  I woke up anxious about my health.  I’m wondering if I should be doing this high blood pressure medicine.  I don’t feel at peace about it.  Did I check with You?  Okay, I said I was going to do it and trust You to work.  Part of me thinks it’s all in my head and will just take care of itself.  How pathetic I am, Lord.  I’m so good at trusting You until my health gets weird.  Anxiety is what I hate most.  Well, depression is bad too.  I cling to You.  I know You will pull me through.  You always do.  I’m on these pills for 90 days.  I don’t like that.  I also worry about Mark on the anti-depressants.   I think they make him less alert.  We’ll see.

My husband was working in North Dakota and things were going badly.  The weather was below freezing, he was staying in a trailer inside a warehouse, and he had just started anti-depressants.  

Lord, poor Mark.  The weather in North Dakota is below freezing and he is stuck in Billings with his huge load of material that is ruined if it freezes.   He forgot his acid reflex pills and his anti-depressants back in North Dakota.  He isn’t eating well.  He’s really down and of course that worries me.  Lord, talking to You really helps me but I don’t know if that’s what he is doing.   Will he grow through this?  I can’t really do anything to help but love him and pray.  A friend was complaining today about how people don’t really help when they try to.  She said, “Why can’t they just say they are sorry for you?”  I think most people always want to help.

Jesus, I love You.  It’s a gloomy day but that will pass.  I know I will again see You.*  You always cheer me.  I wish Mark could really have that experience.  Oh God, if he would search for You, he would find You. . .

Psalm 27:13 I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. NASB1995

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. NASB1995

Unfortunately, as often happens with anxiety and peace, it ebbs and flows.

 Lord, high blood pressure can damage my arteries and they could get clogged.  It sounds like the blood rushes through too fast.  Lord, my fear is that I will have a stroke or heart attack, or an allergic reaction and I won’t be able to get help, since I am alone.  You are with me, so I am not alone.  When my brothers had health emergencies, their wives were with them.   My mom and sister are alone, but they’ve been fine.  My mom had a worry once and she called me to take her to the doc.  I did and she was okay.  Such a blessing!  I have never experienced You not being trustworthy.  How silly for me to doubt.

And I Believe God Said:

You are right.   You are My precious one.  I always watch over you for your good.   I direct your life.  Your shoulder is better isn’t it?

Jer 29:11  For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. NASB1995

Yes Lord, it really is.  I realize You may have other work You want to do in me.  I submit to You and I adore You.  I do trust You.

Yes.  Trust Me.  The enemy pulls and pokes at you.*  Look to Me.  I’m not afraid of your honesty♪.  The enemy is defeated by Me.  He knows it, but you forget.  He won’t get any glory.  I’ll protect you.

1 Peter 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. NASB 1995
Isaiah 35:4. Say to those with fearful hearts,
    “Be strong, and do not fear,
for your God is coming to destroy your enemies.
    He is coming to save you.” NLT.

♪ Honesty by Margaret Becker in 1989
 

Lord, please be with any of my readers who are going through anxiety right now. Send Your Holy Spirit comfort to them. You are the God of eternal encouragement and they need that today. We love you Lord. Amen

2 Thessalonians 2:16. ¹⁶ May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷ encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. NIV

* There is a sequel to this post, Adding to Our History October 14, 2023