This was a hard season for our marriage.  Alcoholism was a large part of the problem, but I had my role in the dysfunction as well.  Our sinful nature creeps in and the enemy takes every weakness to wreak havoc in our lives and especially in relationships *. There was no way this marriage could survive without the Lord being a major part of it and, thanks to Him, we knew that. I wrote here about a small problem, but I think the Lord’s response was very significant.  As if anything He does is insignificant!!!

* 1 Peter 3:8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

From the journal . . . . August 1989

Lord, this is Sunday. Bless PCF and Mark during the service.  Lord, I can’t believe You would appreciate him sleeping.  My prayer to You is that he would be attentive to the church service: worship and message.  Lord, I believe You can do that, but if You choose not to, then can I assume that I’m not to pray for that?  Boy, not praying sounds impossible. No, I can’t buy that. 

Dear Readers: I would ask for your patience in some of these journal entries. I was so typically second guessing myself and wanting to be open minded. Hence, some of my journaling questions seem sort of bizarre. What can I say?

And I Believe God Said:

No.  Of course not.  Pray for him.  Believe in Me.  I am and I will work. Trust the results to me.  He hears more than you think.  Don’t bother him during that time. When you get bugged, then pray.  Pray for yourself and for him.  Don’t stop until you receive My peace. Then continue to focus on worship and the teaching.  Church is not your only time to worship and certainly not your only time for spiritual food.  Your attitude has been selfish.  The world sees your family at church.  My desire is that they see a united family. Diane – it’s unity and love that needs to be revealed there.

Matthew 18:1 One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.
1 Thes 5:16-18 ¹⁶ Always be joyful. ¹⁷ Never stop praying. ¹⁸ Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1Cor 13:13 ¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Oh Lord. Please give me more of an attitude of love then.

Sleeping during church is not the crime I thought it was at that time.  If it was then I believe most of us would be in a lot of trouble, myself included. I was desperate for Mark to be impacted by God and I figured it would come through church. The Lord was continually reminding me that it was my job to pray and to love and not to judge. When I read again about my struggles so many years ago, I am filled with gratitude for His mercy, compassion, and patience with me.  I always need it.