This is a very much edited journal post! All my prolific journaling boiled down to only a few sentences. I think they were important for me to write, but not so important to be shared.

From the journal . . . . March 1995

Lord, I love You.  I’m at the retreat and if I don’t have alone time with You, life will not go well for me. Last night was uncomfortable and disappointing. 

I then proceeded to tell the Lord about all of my apprehensions. I was very upset, and the Lord in His great mercy responded to me. I pretty much ended with . . .

I NEED YOU.  I want to serve only You.  I am not hurting Lord, but I am confused.    

Today as I reread the words I believe are from the Lord, I noticed He didn’t seem to address my ‘burning’ questions or concerns but nevertheless, He gave me the reassurance that calmed me and enabled me to do what He had for me to do at that time.  So I will spare you the unnecessary details.

And I Believe God Said:

I love you the way you are.  Be alert to minister.  There are people who can’t receive My love or words without help.  I love them too.  You and I can communicate alone.  Right now. 

Hebrews 12:15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Look for opportunities to minister.  I’m not “working” on you, but I want to use you.  Trust Me.  I want your trust. Praise Me because you love Me; don’t rely on feelings.  Relax little lamb, you don’t need to hide.  Be visible to help where I tell you.  Let others minister in their ways and how I tell them, but you must trust Me to lead you.  Seek out Barbara.

Gal 6:2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Hebrews 13:16 And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.

Phil 2 :3-5 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.

Thank You, Jesus.  I feel reconnected.  I’m reminded that faith is believing when I don’t see!  Or feel. I just know You are here and that is truth.  Protect Your people, I pray.  Amen.

I love how the Lord responded to my emotional state. I wasn’t in a positive place and didn’t know how to interact, so I wanted to withdraw and be aloof.  That wasn’t God’s plan for me at this retreat and His words were the direction and encouragement I needed. The things that I had thought were such a big deal, weren’t.  Not to the Lord!