Imposter student!  I had a professor in the teaching program at Central Washington University who used this title to explain insecure feelings that people get. I could totally relate.  It’s the feeling that everyone else in a group deserves to be there but you somehow got let in by accident or some kind of typo. Any minute you will be exposed as a fraud!  By the response of my fellow students, I suspect most of us felt that way.  Furthermore, I suspect most everyone has been in that position at some time in their life: getting on a baseball team, being promoted from 2^nd grade to 3^rd, getting invited to a special party, getting your first job, being accepted to college, receiving a marriage proposal, buying a house, and fill in the blank. I think we’ve all been there and return from time to time.

From the journal . . . August 1995

Lord, the education program has caused me to feel less than inadequate instead of more confident.  I feel like ‘Imposter Student.’ That concept came from Professor R., the heathen, but he was a true help. 

I called him a heathen because he mocked Christianity while confessing his wife was a believer. 

2 Chron 36:16 But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people and there was no remedy. Gal 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  Prov 1:22 “How long will you who are simple love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?

Eph 5:28 ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

On the other hand, he was helpful in identifying the normal insecurities of feeling like an impostor while learning new things.

I had one year to go before graduating, and I was overwhelmed with all I was learning, and the high expectations attached to that knowledge. Adding to the stress was the ungodly ideologies coming from the teachings.  So, of course, I brought all this to Jesus, my faithful counselor.

Lord, I know somehow it will work out.  Somehow, I will be able to minister to Your children.  God, how You will get me past the bureaucratic lines, I don’t know, but I believe You will do it because You are God.

And I Believe God Said:

I have called you. I will get you into the enemy camp.  I will get you through those lines.  The world is bad.  It is corrupt, but the people, the flesh and spirit people, I would save.  Don’t fret about things.  I will not let you fail.  Your job, your main job, is to pray. Pray for the teachers and the children. Pray release for the captives.   I will use you in other ways too.  You will encourage the downhearted.  I am going to get you into position.  You will do spiritual battle.  Do it even now at Central.  Pray against the worldly system.     

Ps 32:8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

Psalm 91:11 For He will order His angels
    to protect you wherever you go.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Eph 6:10-18 ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people

The Lord gave me His perspective of priorities. Since surrendering to the Lord, I have always prayed.  This was familiar territory, and I knew I could pray. That wasn’t scary.  It was Jesus!

By His grace, I graduated summa cum laude.  Imposter student struck again. I continued to pray through my teaching career and now in retirement it is still highest on my priority list.