Covid hit the United Stated in January of 2020. All of our lives were changed and people all over the world were adjusting to social distancing. There were many personal opinions concerning how to deal with this, as well as about the validity of the vaccines and media sources.
For about twenty years we had hosted a large gathering with our extended families the evening before Christmas Eve. We decorated our warehouse and usually had between forty and fifty people. Some we only saw once a year. We weren’t allowed to do it in 2020 because of COVID restrictions, even though some family members thought we should. In our family we had loved ones on both ends of the spectrum concerning their personal comfort level as far as restrictions and social distancing go. So, when my son said they couldn’t stay long for the Christmas Adam I didn’t ask why. I figured it had to do with their comfort zone concerning the pandemic.
From the Journal . . . December 2021
Lord, You showed me something this morning. My son called to let me know that they are coming to the Christmas party for a short time but probably not to eat. I understood and all was OK.
I said about three times how much I appreciated them making the trip especially for a short time. Then his wife jumped in and said, “He is just being polite. We just can’t do it with no masks and no testing in a closed area with all those people.”
Lord, I said, “I understand. It’s a large group and there’s no guaranteeing what precautions people have taken to avoid exposure.”
So, after a bit we hung up. Lord, I was still bugged and sort of defensive. I wanted to defend myself with, “I can’t make people wear masks or get a test. I don’t feel it’s my place. If a person is worried about it, they can, and no doubt have, gotten the vaccine. They can wear a mask to protect what comes in and what goes out of them. That’s what a person can do.” I also planned some safety precautions that I hoped would make people feel safe, but I hesitated to speak because I knew I was feeling defensive. I doubted either of us would change our opinion and I didn’t want a debate.
Lord here’s what I learned: Just being polite is okay! My son politely said what he needed to say. No harm, no foul. It wasn’t until she said what she didn’t need to say that I felt the tension. In the same way, I didn’t need for her to know my defense. I see that is where the hurt or offense comes in.
Lord, is it so important to make my opinions known? I doubt it, unless someone asks. I don’t know what my son thinks, but I do know he’s totally committed to his wife. If he thinks or feels differently concerning this issue, he must determine how to navigate that. I just want peace in my family.
And I Believe God Said:
It is a good lesson for you to remember. Your son and you share the burden of not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. At times, you want to prove your point by having the last word. It’s good to be aware of that tendency. The idea of being loving or being right comes into play. People do judge and it often hurts when you feel it.
When people have opposing opinions there’s a tendency to judge and/or feel judged. We would rather everyone thought like we did. So, we think the solution would be to give our defense to bring them around to our way of thinking.
But giving your defense is a risk. Sometimes they may hear but usually they already know you think differently.
In this case your daughter-in-law is afraid you don’t approve of her decision, and you really don’t approve or agree with it, but you do accept it.
1Cor. 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. NIV
Prov. 19:11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. NIV
Thank you, Jesus. Oh Lord, I want our gathering to bless You. We do it in honor of Your birth, but we love getting together with family as well.
The Christmas Adam was a slightly smaller group that year, but all went well. No one got COVID and all seemed Joyful! The annual tradition of celebrating the birth of Jesus at the Shop has remained and relationships continue to be strengthened with each year!
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Good job mum. I know for me its rough not to be able to voice my opinion about this or that, but I think I’m getting better at holding my tongue. You’re too nice for this to work for you, but one of the lines I like to use is, “You’re intitled to your wrong opinion.” I say it that way with a gleam in my eye and a smile on my face not as much to tell someone I disagree with them, but a tongue in cheek way to point out the reality that it should be okay to disagree on alot of stuff. Our opinions are not stone tablets written from the Finger of God. … but I sometimes forget that 🤪
I can see and hear you say that and could be you’ve said it to me!! I like that about not ‘stone tablets’. Could I use that in my blog? Oh, I guess you just did!!
It probably wasn’t correct of me to say ‘she said what she didn’t need to say’ because she obviously felt she did need to say it. I felt a definite ‘check’ to respond how I was feeling so I stepped around it! Thanks for commenting, Brian! I appreciate it!!