As many of you know I have kept a journal for close to fifty years. I write on average about five times a week. Sometimes I write pages at one sitting, other times one or two sentences. The interesting thing about it is when I re-read what I wrote decades ago, I can actually see some areas of growth. Imagine that! I’m also more sympathetic to my younger self than I was at the time.  My expectations were high, and I was often very disappointed in myself.

From the journal . . . January 1998

Jesus, I cling to You.  Life seems so overwhelming and I’m tearful.  I’m such a wimp and hypocrite.  I know You are faithful. You have shown me such faithfulness yet here I am: afraid, tense, and discouraged.  God, somewhere inside of me I know there is no reason for fear because of You.  I know but it’s there.  Yet, even as I speak, I have an underlying peace.  Like I experienced during the cancer time.  Underlying peace.  I want it to permeate me, Lord.  It is selfish I know.  Please forgive me but, O Lord, have mercy on me.

And God Said to Me:

Do you trust Me?

Yes, I do.

I am training you.  You are not to worry about keeping bases covered but to rest in Me.  Not to rest in activity but rest in Me.  Keep your focus on Me.  Don’t give so much credibility to your fears.  They aren’t from Me.

1 John 4:18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. NASB 1995
2 Tim 1:7  For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. NASB 1995

Throughout the years I have gone through many different situations, phases, mindsets, attitudes, biases, beliefs etc. We all have, and we continually change. But the good news is Jesus never changes. He is faithful and true to His nature and His word.  As I read what He said to me in 1998, it still applies to me today and I will need His words always!

Hebrew 13:8  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Isa 40:8 The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.

I don’t remember what the issue was that caused this anxiety, but it doesn’t really matter.  Suffice it to say, I was anxious about something, and the Lord gave me peace. He wants that for all of His children and no circumstance is greater than His desire to love us!

Rom 8: 38-39  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Luke 12:32  Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.