When I taught kindergarten, pretty much every year I would have at least one student who made teaching considerably more frustrating and challenging than the rest of the class.  It was always like a holiday when that child was absent. The little boy mentioned in this journal entry was like that and yet he had an exuberance for life and a great big smile that won my heart despite himself. I’m calling him Khiree.

From the journal  . . . . November 1999

Lord, my heart tends toward evil.

Gen 6:5  Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. NASB ‘95

I’m sorry. I wish it didn’t.  You, Lord, would be justified to condemn me because I choose self instead of You so often.  And my pride is an abomination.  Please convict me when I’m wrong but I need Your mercy. 

Ps 130:3 Lord, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? NLT

Lam 3:22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. NIV

Lord Jesus, You went to the cross to buy me.  I am not worth that sacrifice, but You gave it. 

Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. NASB ‘95

So, I accept it with gratitude.  Oh Lord, I want it to be a good thing for You. A good investment.

And God Said to Me:

Even as you think of Khiree, you want him.  He disrupts your class and when he’s absent it is much more peaceful. Yet, you wouldn’t give him away.  In a sense he is yours.  You want to help him.  You want to see him succeed.  You love him.

Look to praise what you like about him today. 

Phil. 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

I love you.  I want you to succeed.  Confess those sinful attitudes.  Don’t excuse them.  Confess and then accept My forgiveness.

Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin.

How good the Lord is! When I talked about my mind leaning toward evil I wasn’t thinking at all about my student Khiree. It was most likely in regard to a brain fight I was having against some petty grievance I had with somebody, probably rooted in jealousy, pride, or selfishness.

But the Lord reminded me of His unconditional love!  I could certainly relate to loving a kid that was driving me nuts. The annoyances were just a part of who he was. I loved him because he was my student and belonged to me for that year! 

That’s how the Lord feels about us!

Psalm 103:8-14 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
⁹ He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
¹⁰ He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
¹² As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
¹³ Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

¹⁴For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.