When I read sentences from my past journals they seldom ever come as a surprise to me, even when it’s decades ago. In this one I start out saying, “I have been having defensive thoughts . . .”  What that really means is, I have probably been offended, it has been plaguing me for hours or even days, and results in many useless brain fights as I go about my day. When I get to my alone time with the Lord and journal, He’s already brought me through a lot of the crud! And I’m ready to listen. Unfortunately, these issues come up frequently in my journals. Yet, He is faithful to listen, forgive and still love me! 

From the journal . . . . April 1999 

God, I have been having defensive thoughts lately and it’s not good. I confess the sin. Help me to drop my defenses. It reminds me of Star Trek and how the captain is suspicious if an approaching vessel has their shields up. However, if the shields aren’t up, it is a sign of good faith. I want to have good faith! There is a person I don’t trust, but I know I need to love anyway. Is it okay to be cautious? 

And I Believe God Said:

You will be and that is okay, but you must trust Me to be your defense. Be kind and loving to Caroline. (not her real name) 

 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom should I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom should I dread?  (Psalm 27:1)

God, it’s a shame You have to keep reminding me to trust You, but I am so grateful You do! Thank You and I’m sorry.

I love that the Lord knows all about me and my emotions. I think I can control them, but He knows I often can’t. He reassures me that it’s okay, but I must always consider Him and act according to His nature. 

2 Tim 2:7 Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.

Eph 5:1-2. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ² and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Phil 2:3-5  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; ⁴ do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. ⁵ Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,