“The Man from Snowy River” was a favorite movie in our family. It’s a right-of-passage story of a young man (Jim) proving himself by single handedly rounded up a herd of wild horses down from the mountains. In the end the antagonist (Harrison) refers to Jim as a ‘lad’ and Jim’s mentor (Spur) says, “He’s not a lad. He’s a man!” I think it relates to this post because as parents we are often reluctant to recognize our kids as adults. FYI: Jim Craig is played by Tom Burlinson and Kirk Douglas plays duel roles of rival brothers Spur and Harrison. 1982 Australia

Having children was my forever dream-come-true. I continually thank God that He gave us five children, two girls and three boys, to raise. I’m also grateful to have solid relationships with our adult kids now in their forties and fifties, but the transitions weren’t easy. Especially the letting go part! 

August 1999

Our daughter, child #3, had just left for college so it was just us and our twin boys.  Whoa, when did they become full-blown-six-foot-tall men? 

From the journal:

Lord, I want to get to know my boys better.  I guess they probably want to be more independent of me at this time in their lives.  Jesus, please help me in this.  I feel like I’m pushy and kind of a nuisance and not welcome.  I don’t blame them for this.  It’s my problem but I want to bond more with both of them.  Please show me how I can do that.

And God Said to Me:

Be patient with them. 

Eph 4:1-3 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, ³ being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Don’t let defensiveness come in.  Don’t rush in to teach but listen. 

James 1:19-20 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Listening doesn’t mean you condone or approve what they say but it does show love and acceptance.  They need that.  They want your approval so, whenever possible, give it. 

Romans 12:2, And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Practice listening without expounding. Listen first, then encourage what you approve.  Always love.

I love the sound wisdom in these words. The Lord made it very clear to me that I needed to make some changes if I wanted to know and bond more with my sons.

The Word says to raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Our sons were over eighteen and the days for raising them were over.  They had their own ideas, opinions, and plans for their lives and if I wanted to preserve my influence over them, I needed to drop the authoritative role in their lives.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

1 Cor. 13:11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

We ‘raise’ or ‘train up’ a child. The hope, of course, is when they grow up they make their own choice to follow the Lord!