This journal entry is a typical mad-at-husband rant.  I will edit most of it out except God’s responses to an angry me.  Most of my many words written were insignificant to the Lord’s point, but as venting does, it provided a release that I needed. I think the Lord’s gentle but firm replies could be helpful for anyone who is angry with a loved one!

From the journal . . . May 2001

Mark had just bought the boat without talking to me about it first. I was feeling very justified in being upset with him and felt that our marriage was in trouble.

Jesus, I shouldn’t have to feel guilty that I’m not happy he bought a boat. . . 

I went on to list reasons that I didn’t deserve such treatment and I ended with . . . I guess I expect him to appreciate the fact that most women would… 

And the Lord cut me off and said:

Can you trust Me to deal with him?

I know I should, but Lord, it really feels bad.  I want to please You, but . . .  and I went on venting with my deeper frustrations.  Jesus, search my heart.  I don’t want him punished for the sake of vengeance, but I want him to quit doing these things.

What things do you want him not to do?

I want him to let me express my opinions or concerns without fearing negative repercussions. 

As I read this today it sounds like I basically wanted him to approve my every thought spoken. I know it wasn’t to that extreme, but I had very high expectations, nonetheless. I wonder how often I would listen to his concerns or opinions without negative responses. That sort of sounded like a God question.

I went on and on about current fears I had.  Then I proceeded to bring up many things from the past that were hurtful. More venting.

Okay Lord, I love You and I can feel Your peace.  I can trust You.  I’ve been praying that I would be dead to me, but alive to You. 

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Gal 2:20).

I guess I’m still alive because this hurts. 

Oh Lord, You work so deeply.   I haven’t suffered a tragic loss and I am so thankful.  However, this peeling of my self is very difficult.  But, You are my Father.  Okay, I forgive.  I will trust You to work in him in Your perfect way and time.  I don’t know how submitted to You he is, but I have hope for me now.  Thank You, Jesus.

Good. Go and love him.  Trust Me to deal with him.  Don’t look at you, or him, or others.  Look at Me.

What if I meet with criticalness and opposition today?

Accept or overlook it.  Don’t turn against Mark.  Trust Me.  I will show him.  You can’t show him.  Not directly.  Love Me and love him.  I am there with you in your heart where the hurts are.  I love you and you can trust Me to heal you.

Lord, can you increase my love for Mark?  Can You soften my heart toward him?  I can obey You but he wants love and affection.  I can go through the motions but I need Your touch to bring the love back.

This scenario would replay time and time again, and the Lord always restored and increased my love for my husband!  The time involved always depended on how willing I was to surrender to the Lord’s way of love.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (1Cor 13:4-7).